


Troubled Soul

by MysticMoonlight_04



Category: Castlevania (Cartoon), 悪魔城ドラキュラ | Castlevania Series
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 20:11:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21325987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMoonlight_04/pseuds/MysticMoonlight_04
Summary: Alucard is having second thoughts concerning his quest to kill his father.
Kudos: 16





	Troubled Soul

A dying fire crackled quietly in the center of a small camp that Alucard, Trevor, and Sypha had set up for the night. The three were seated on the ground around the fire, trying to set their minds at ease. They had traveled for a few days, on their way to Dracula’s Castle, and they had battled some monsters and demons on the way. All of them were exhausted, and they were trying to rest while they could.

“I’m going to go find some food, I’ll be back soon,” said Trevor.

“It’s getting dark, be careful,” Sypha said. 

Alucard said nothing. He merely stared into the small flames thoughtfully. Trevor ignored him and trudged into the woods, armed with his throwing knives for hunting.

Alucard felt strange. Everything seemed odd ever since he woke up that morning. He didn’t usually sleep much, but the previous night, he felt like he needed to. He felt drained, so he slept for a little bit, but it wasn’t enough. Upon awakening, he felt disoriented and uneasy, but he didn’t tell his companions. He tried not to think much of it as he carried on with his day, but he couldn’t shake the strange feelings from his mind. There was also an unpleasant heaviness in his chest, and a feeling of dread weighing upon his heart. He had felt this way before.

“Alucard, did you hear me?” Sypha asked suddenly.

Alucard looked up, pushing his thoughts aside. “I am sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked you if you were tired,” Sypha responded. “You looked like you were about to fall asleep.”

“I am not tired, I was just...thinking,” Alucard said.

Sypha looked at him curiously. Alucard wasn’t one for conversation, but it seemed like he was holding something back. 

“Are...you okay?” Sypha asked gently.

“I am fine, Sypha,” Alucard responded, keeping his gaze low.

“Are you sure?” Sypha asked. “Because—”

“Dinner’s here!” Trevor interrupted as he loudly burst through the trees. “I hope you guys like fish. There’s a small lake nearby and I managed to get some with my knife.”

Sypha sighed, then gave a small smile. “That’s great, Trevor. Let’s eat.”

Trevor handed Sypha and Alucard one fish each, leaving the last one for himself. They each cooked their fish over the fire that Sypha had tended to. Trevor finished eating his fish quickly, and Sypha finished hers soon after. It had been a few days since any of them had eaten a decent meal. Sypha glanced at Alucard, and she noticed that he had barely touched his food.

“Are you not hungry, Alucard?” Sypha asked.

“I am just...not really in the mood,” Alucard said softly. “You can have mine if you like.”

“You really should eat, you know,” Sypha said. “We’re going to need our energy to defeat Dracula.” 

“Oh, he’s fine,” Trevor said, as he took the food from Alucard’s hands. “He went a whole year without eating. He’ll live.”

Sypha gave Trevor an irritated look, but Trevor didn’t notice. He was too busy devouring the fish that Alucard had not eaten. 

“So, um, did you find anything interesting while you were hunting?” Sypha asked, trying to change the subject. 

“Nothing much,” Trevor replied. “But I did quickly map out a route that we can take tomorrow morning. It should lead us out of the woods by evening, if we don’t waste any time.”

“Good,” Sypha said. “I’m ready to get out into the open air again.”

Alucard sighed quietly in response, still keeping his eyes on the fire.

“What’s the matter with you, Alucard?” Trevor asked. “Why are you being so mopey all of a sudden? I mean, you usually are, but now you’re kind of starting to make me uncomfortable here.”

Alucard glared at Trevor, finally taking his eyes off of the fire. 

“For the last time—_both_ of you,” Alucard said, looking at Sypha as well. “There is _nothing_ wrong. Is it such a sin for me to keep to myself, unlike the both of you, who I _cannot_ get to shut up?!”

Sypha winced at Alucard’s sudden outburst. Trevor raised one eyebrow quizzically.

“Okay, relax,” Trevor said defensively, raising his hands. “Remind me never to disturb you when you haven’t gotten enough beauty sleep.”

“And what exactly is _that _supposed to mean?” Alucard asked.

“Oh...nothing,” Trevor said. “It’s just that, you know, you’ve been acting like this since this morning, so I figured that maybe you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed...er, ground.”

“Like _you_ are one to speak,” Alucard retorted. “When was the last time that you actually contributed to our cause?”

“Um, hello? I got us a decent meal for once!” Trevor exclaimed. “Oh, wait, I suppose that you were too good for the fish that I provided, so why don’t you go out there and bring us something that will satisfy your arrogant vampire ass?”

Alucard was on his feet in a flash, not willing to take Trevor’s insults, but Sypha stood between the two men and interjected.

“Enough! Both of you, just stop it!” Sypha yelled.

She looked specifically at Trevor, who was still sitting casually on the ground. 

“Hey, _he _started it,” Trevor said, pointing an accusatory finger at Alucard. “He’s been hiding something from us all day, and I _know_ that you’ve noticed it too.”

Sypha sighed. “Trevor, just leave him alone. We’ve all had a rough couple of days, I’m sure Alucard just needs to recuperate.”

“Always taking his side...” Trevor muttered, but he let it go.

Alucard sat back down, and Sypha did the same. Alucard took a deep breath and tried to calm himself, but he didn’t feel any better than he did before. Trevor and Sypha conversed with one another quietly, but their voices sounded distant, as if Alucard was listening to them while submerged underwater. His heart still felt heavy with despair. He glanced around frantically, trying to make sense of what was going on, why he was feeling this way. 

The last time he had felt like this was soon after his mother had died. It was an awful few days after that—Alucard wasn’t motivated to do anything, as he was held back by the longing for his mother. He didn’t want a repeat of that wave of hopelessness. He couldn’t afford to feel that way. Not now. Not while his companions were counting on him to defeat his father. Defeat his father? What was he doing anyway? How could he be expected to kill his own father? To kill the man who had raised him? The man who his mother had loved...

Alucard’s breathing became panicked, and he could feel his heart pounding rapidly in his chest. He felt lost and alone. 

“I-I need to get some air...” Alucard said shakily.

He stood up from his spot on the ground and tried to take deep breaths to calm his mind. It was all he could do to keep his composure—at least until he was out of sight. 

“Alucard?” 

Alucard could hear Sypha calling his name, but he was already running into the woods. 

***

“Alucard!” Sypha called out again, but she knew it was pointless. 

“I told you he was hiding something,” Trevor said calmly, not really seeming to care about Alucard’s sudden disappearance. 

“He’s not hiding anything, there’s something wrong!” Sypha insisted. “I could sense it. When he looked at me, his eyes were full of sadness. He looked...lost.”

“Lost?” Trevor asked. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t really know,” Sypha said, struggling to find the right words. “It’s like...like he didn’t know what he was doing anymore. He seemed distressed and...and shaken up.”

Trevor looked more attentive now. 

“Shaken up? By what?” Trevor asked.

Sypha sighed. “There’s only one way to find out.”

***

Alucard ran and ran, not knowing his destination, but content to anywhere as long as it was away. Away from Trevor, away from Sypha, and away from his past. Alucard ran until his legs could take him no further—not because of exhaustion, but because of hopelessness. The heaviness in his chest became too much for him to handle, and he collapsed to his knees in the middle of the woods. He took in shaky breaths, gasping as he tried to focus on anything that could ground him. Alucard slowly got to his feet, but he swayed slightly and had to lean against a tree to steady himself. He choked out a sob, but refused to let any tears fall. 

After a few moments, Alucard left the tree and walked around the woods aimlessly, until he finally came across a lake. He assumed that it was the same lake where Trevor had caught their dinner. Alucard stepped to the edge of the water. He looked down and saw his reflection in the lake, wondering what kind of man he had become. What kind of a man was he, that he would kill his own father? What kind of a man would unite with a Belmont, knowing that their bloodline had eliminated his? 

Alucard tried to shake himself from these thoughts. He knew that his father was evil, and that he had to stop him from murdering innocents. He also knew that the Belmont worked towards the same cause, and was therefore an ally. Alucard looked up at the full moon in the cloudy night sky. His attempts to reason through his twisted thoughts did not help much. He couldn’t gain any sense of self control. He felt like he was about to break.

“Alucard!”

Again, he heard his name being called. Only this time, it was a male voice—Trevor. Alucard did not look behind him, but he could hear Trevor noisily approach from the trees. The Belmont had no sense of stealth. 

“Ah, there you are,” Trevor said. “Sypha sent me to go look for you. She was...worried.”

Alucard didn’t say anything, but instead he took another deep breath.

“Look,” said Trevor. “I know that you said nothing was wrong, but clearly something’s bothering you, so why don’t you just lay it all out?”

Alucard still did not speak.

Trevor let out an exasperated sigh. “All right, is this going to be an actual conversation or am I just going to continue talking to myself? Because if that’s the case, then I’m going to go back to camp and tell Sypha that you’re just being an emotional child.”

Trevor stepped closer to Alucard and looked at him expectantly. Alucard sniffed, and Trevor realized that Alucard was trembling slightly.

“I...I do not know what to do anymore...” Alucard said, a slight rasp in his voice.

“Why not?” Trevor asked. 

“I am not certain,” Alucard replied. “I have felt this way before, after...after my mother died. I was lost, wandering around with no sense of purpose in this world.”

“Alucard, you’re here to help us kill Dracula,” Trevor said. “You’ll...be a hero. You’ll save countless lives. What’s there to be sad about?”

“My mother would not have wanted this,” Alucard said quietly, his voice almost a whisper. “She would be disappointed in me if...if she saw me now...”

Alucard’s voice wavered, and then he finally broke. Trevor was now standing next to Alucard, and he watched as tears filled the vampire’s eyes. Alucard closed his eyes, and his tears slowly fell down his face.

“Hey, don’t do that,” Trevor said, in a futile attempt to soothe Alucard.

Alucard tried to hold his tears back, but he knew deep down that he could not hide his emotions any longer, or it would tear him apart. He sobbed quietly, keeping his head down to hide his face. His breath came in small gasps, and his tears silently continued to fall. 

“I don’t know much about your mother, but I do know that she would _not _be disappointed in you,” Trevor said reassuringly. “I know we don’t always get along, but you are a great asset to the team, and I’m sure that your mother would be proud of what you’re doing for Wallachia, and for the rest of the world.”

Alucard lifted his head slightly, somewhat shocked at Trevor’s attempts to cheer him up.

“Thank you...” Alucard said softly. 

Alucard didn’t really know what to say after that. He kept his eyes on the water as the wind blew calmly through his long pale-blonde hair. He was grateful that his companions had made an effort to comfort him. Alucard suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder, the touch startling him slightly.

“Come on,” Trevor said, as he led Alucard towards the direction that the former had come from. “Let’s get you back to camp. I’m sure that Sypha would be worried if she sent me to get you, and neither of us came back. She would probably assume that we had killed each other.”

The hunter laughed, and Alucard managed a small smile as the two men walked back into the trees. Alucard felt the heaviness finally lifting from his chest. He knew that Trevor and Sypha would be there for him in his times of need. Alucard also knew that his mother was always with him—in his mind, and in his heart.


End file.
